The problem with profiles...

I always did well with sugar. I never truly had to wait long to find another SD, and I never had much trouble finding potentials. Honestly until I joined the blog over at SA, I never really knew that anyone found it difficult at all.


Turns out, most do.

Naturally I tried to figure out why. Over the years I have come up with Two explanations.

First of all I believe there's a  cultural difference between the gay and straight community regarding 'Sugar'. 

While the term 'Sugar' is still fairly new to the gay community, the idea of having a "kept companion" goes back for centuries. Read your history. A large number of the artists and musicians of the renaissance period were.. 

A. - Gay, 

B. - Had a 'kept man'.

I think it was simply our own way of having a marriage when marriage wasn't an option. Obviously things have changed over the years, but the idea of having a kept companion remains both widespread and fairly well accepted in the community.

Now while this may or may not be an interesting nugget of knowledge, it's also useless. You can't really do much about cultural differences. However the second factor is a different matter all together.

Most profiles suck!

Sorry. but I write ad copy for a living and I can assure you that the vast majority of profiles are not only poorly written, but he authors seem to be under the impression that they are on a conventional dating site.

Now I want to point out quickly that most members of the SA Blog "get it". I am referring to the hundreds of sugar baby profiles I've read outside of the blog. 

SB's used to routinely list their profile number on the blog so that you could read it. To look at it you only had to pull up any profile link and change the number on the end to match theirs. It wasn't a far stretch from that to realize if you just kept changing the number on the end you could randomly see as many profiles as you wanted. 

So my research began. I just started looking at profiles, one after another. I should note this little trick is absolutely useless for any other purpose, you have no search capability so the results are just random profiles of all types and from all over the world.

But just as a way to look at lots of different profiles and see how people are writing them it was quite illuminating. Roughly 5% of all profiles climbed the bar all the way to "good".  Less than one in a hundred qualified as "great". The rest waffled between "mediocre" and "terrible".

The truth is I have tons more to say on this topic, so if your interested in some concrete ways to improve your profile, stay tuned. I envision many posts on this subject to follow.....

More stuff tomorrow...

I've had a bad week with what I thought was food poisoning, but seemed to mutate into something much worse. Finally feeling better and will return to the blog tomorrow.

-RC

I wish

I wish you would take care of me,

it comes out with a sigh,

I didn't know I'd say it,

but I think I might know why.

I think I've struggled far too long,

sometimes I want to cry,

I plan the things I want to do

but they always go awry.

I feel I'm on a treadmill.

and I'll walk until I die,

I never make much progress,

no matter how I try.

I wish you would take care of me,

I would take care of you.

I'll make you feel your young again,

I'll make you feel brand new.

I'll help you to enjoy life,

and you will help me too,

we'll have our own adventures,

in fact, we'll have a few,

Life we'll be much brighter,

and will have a warmer hue,

We'll whirl around form place to place,

we'll have so much to do.

I wish you would take care of me,

I really truly do.

A Sparkling Limerick.

The last week, it went pretty well,
not perfect, but all in all swell.
While the praise did abound,
still no daddy was found,
but there's truly no reason to dwell.

As that's not the end to your quest,
cause a friend appeared from the mid-west.
You are blessed once again,
and we hope that you win,
and we certainly wish you the best

While the future of course is unknown,
There is clearly no reason to moan.
You'll one day find a dad,
and then you'll be glad,
and our hopes for you have only grown.
 

Luck of the Irish

When I was young there was an Irish family in my neighborhood. I distinctly remember one amazing thing about this family, they had the luck of the Irish.

They would talk about it a lot, and what was truly stunning is, they were right. They were without question the luckiest people I've ever met. I don't remember if a month went by that some manner of good fortune didn't befall them. It bordered on being annoying.

Over the years I've come to believe that they were lucky because they believed they were lucky. Down to the core of their beings, they knew they were lucky, they expected to be lucky, and lo and behold, they were lucky.

I don't pretend to understand the mechanism at work here, but I'm sure not the first one to notice it. Books such as "Wishcraft" or "The Secret" are simply rehashing ideas that go back for eons. To at least some extent the world is what we expect it to be. Clearly there are limitations or we'd all be lottery winners, but at the same time there is also compelling examples of people who seem to get most everything they want by either luck or shear force of will.

You probably know someone like this, I think most of us do.

I am certainly no expert on this phenomenon or how to control it, but I have had some luck in life and I also believe I've been able to spread some around. I have found time and time again that if you surround someone with a positive idea, positive things tend to happen. Also, if you believe something positive will happen to you, there is a better than average chance something will.

In fact one of the reasons I jumped on the "Be nice to..." weeks over on SA was because I believe this kind of positive reinforcement can actually help people. Or put simply: "Sometimes it works".

Sometimes it does.

Agreement

I am not your toy.

and I am not a thing.

Only disrespect me,

if you wish to feel my sting.

I have much to offer you,

and I can make you proud.

But I will not be humbled,

and I will not be bowed.

If we work together,

I will enhance your life.

but treating me unfairly,

will only bring you strife.

So let's make an agreement,

we both consider fair,

and I will treat you so well,

there'll be nothing to compare.

You'll be pleased to walk in to a room,

with me there at your side..

You will feel the eyes upon us,

you will feel a sense of pride.

Each day can be a pleasure

so good it feels like sin.

So let us work together,

and each of us will win.

Sugar Addiction

I have a sugar addiction, 

I can see it in my dreams.

It gives me crystal focus,

it both comforts and redeems.

I am seeking out my daddy

who will have some gifts to share.

He will show me how to prosper,

I will show him that I care.

I wish to be beneath his wings

and learn what I must know,

how to find my own success,

and how to make it grow.

I have a sugar addiction, 

for elegant romance,

to eat and drink the very best,

to travel and to dance.

I want to eat the finest food,

and drink the finest wine.

to go where I have never been,

and find the things that shine.

I want to use my passport,

and travel far away,

I wish to go to other lands,

and finally seize the day.

I have a sugar addiction, 

I seek what sugar brings,

I wish to live in comfort,

and know the finer things.

I want to know my bills are paid, 

and that they are on time. 

I want to know I can relax,

no mountain's left to climb.

I want to know that I am safe,

no tension to release,

I want to live in beauty,

I want to live in peace.

No Strings?

One of the goals that many reach for in Sugar is an NSA relationship. For the uninitiated, NSA stand for "No Strings Attached", and imply's there will be no emotional connection between the participants.

I don't believe in NSA. Never have. Not in sugar. The idea of having a close personal relationship with another person, yet keeping a 'string free' emotional detachment from that person does not happen in my universe. 

That said it is clear that some people are able to maintain these types of emotional walls, but look at their relationships. They are almost always in a constant state of turmoil and desperation. I watched a number of people on the SA blog over a period of two and a half years attempt NSA. The wailing never stopped. Recently MTV ran a micro-doc on sugar, and in my opinion it was a testament to NSA. It was not a pretty sight.

The truth is, we are emotional creatures. You can accept that and try to make it work for you, or you can pretend your a Vulcan and wind up in a non-stop tizzy. The only exception I know of is If the full extent of your relationship is sex. Yes that can be NSA. But it's not sugar either. Sugar by my definition is a relationship. It may not be a permanent relationship, but few relationships are.

How do you make it work? I simply think of my SD's as clients. Much like the clients of my regular business. I get to know them, I find things about them I like and enjoy. I care about them and show interest in their lives. I'm always glad to see them, and when the job ends I try to remain friends with them. 

Is that so hard?

Please check out the poll in upper right of the window.....
Thanks!

Busy day

Busy day today, so instead of a column I present you with a list of paraprosdokians that have been making their way around the internet lately. Hope you enjoy them - more sugar tomorrow.


1.  “Where there's a will, I want to be in it.”

2.  Do not argue with an idiot.  He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

3.  The last thing I want to do is hurt you.  But it's still on my list.

4.  Light travels faster than sound.  This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

5.  If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

6.  We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

7.  War does not determine who is right - only who is  left.

8.  Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.  Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

9.  A bus station is where a bus stops.  A train station is where a  train stops.  On my desk, I have a work station.

10.  Behind every successful man is his woman.  Behind the fall of a  successful man is usually another woman.

11.  I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

12.  You do not need a parachute to skydive.  You only need a  parachute to skydive twice.

13.  You're never too old to learn something stupid.

14.  To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

15.  Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

16.  When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Re-inventing Sugar

One of the biggest singers in my generation has been Madonna. Still considered an icon, even in the waning days of her career. 

Now let me tell you a few secrets about Madonna that you probably already know...

She was Not the best singer of her generation.

She was Not the best dancer of her generation.

She was Not unusually intelligent.

She was Not a great actress.

She was Not a good writer.

She was Not a good interview subject.

She was Not the first pop star to use sex and nudity to further her career.

She did Not have the best agent in show business.

What she was, was a kick ass salesperson. Madonna knew how to sell Madonna extremely well.

One of Madonna's favorite techniques was re-invention. Every few years when her stage personality began to wear out it's welcome, she would steal into her closet and re-invent. A few weeks later she would show up on the cover of 'Rolling Stone' or 'Vanity Fair' with a brand new persona. 

This is a trick she used at least a dozen times over the course of her career. Some persona's lasted for months, others for years. She was very pragmatic, if it worked it stayed, if not, try something else.

This is a very clever technique and it's perfect for sugar. It costs little or nothing to implement, and can have a dramatic effect on your SD traffic. 

If you've been skating along on the same profile for three months or longer and you feel like you've exhausted most of your options......Re-invent. New profile, new pics, new description, and new attitude. You could even close out and start a new account if you wanted to. If the new persona works then your work is done. If not, toss it away and try again.  

It is astonishing how effective this can be. You see in most cases a SD will spend less than 30 seconds looking at your profile before making a decision. If he's not still there after 35 seconds he's already reading another profile and forgetting you exist.

So if you reappear a few months later with an entirely new profile he will have no idea he's ever seen you before. You get something that they say you can never have.... a second chance to make a first impression.

I believe I went through Five versions of myself before finding one that really worked well for me. And it's not that any of them were fake. It was simply a matter of which aspects of myself I chose to lead with. We all have different versions of ourselves depending on the situation or who you are dealing with. You will find in sugar that some draw more interest than others. I was wrong four times in a row, but I kept trying.

So how's your profile doing?

Why don't straight men Zumba?

I just have to get this off my chest...... Why don't straight men Zumba?

For the two or three people in the world that don't know, Zumba is a Latin dance style fitness class. It's been around quite awhile and is well established in both the fitness and dance communities.

But here's the thing. I go to various Zumba classes every month, and I am often the only male in the class. In fact I don't think I've ever been in a Zumba class with more than two other males.

Let's see if you can guess who the most popular person to dance next to, talk to, and flirt with in a Zumba class is?? Could it be the only male??

Now get this, once a week they hold a class in a dance studio that specializes in pole dancing. I go there every week and dance with one other gentleman and about forty strippers.Yes indeed gentlemen, there is a place where for Five Dollars you can be the most popular person in a room full of professional strippers. Where are you?

I'm not kidding either, the ladies love having me and Mr. X there. It gives them someone to show off to. And every week as I pack my bag and leave I keep thinking 'Are straight men really that stupid?'

So if anyone can solve this mystery i sure would like to know.

Why Sugar?

I suspect the number one thing that brought us all to sugar was.....well....the sugar!

The money, the gifts, the travel, or whatever sugar perks your particular arrangement provided.

While the sugar always had significance, I found over time it became almost secondary to the adventure of sugar. Sugar gave me something to think about and focus on. It gave me someone to take care of and keep happy. I feel that I am a caregiver by nature, so for me sugar helped to fill that need. 

I also felt that sugar had a way of extending the honeymoon period of dating in which a great amount of effort is going into impressing the other party. Obviously this wanes in all relationships over time, but it always seemed to last longer in sugar relationships. Perhaps because impressing the other party is so important in sugar. 

The Daddy want's to show he has the means to be a daddy, the baby wants to show that sHe is worth the effort. This was always one of the best parts for me. I always liked thinking of my sugar, finding new ways of surprising him, flirting with him, and keeping things fresh.

I mean in truth money is important, but boring. It may keep the furnace on but it isn't what keeps you warm at night. 

I suppose in the end, money is the goal, but the adventure is what makes the ride worth taking.

Welcome!

Let's start this blog with rhythm,
and throw in a touch of rhyme.
Let's try something different,
that you don't see all the time.


I truly hope you like it here,
and enjoy what you see.
Cause when you get right down to it,
your seeing parts of me.


I will share my life in sugar,
the good times and the pain.
With luck it will enlighten you,
and also entertain.


I hope that you will join me,
and tell me what you think.
Sometimes I'm sure we'll disagree,
but other times we'll sync.


Your opinions are important,
at least they are to me.
So lets get this party started,
and we'll see what we can see.